what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize