Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
