Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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