Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
