two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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