If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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