as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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