I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize