20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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