Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
