dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
