I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
