but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
