How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
