A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
