Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
