I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
