I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
