I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
