I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
