well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
