Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
