Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
