oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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