Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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