Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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