Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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