So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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