some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
