I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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