Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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