i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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