the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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