Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
