it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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