maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
