just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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