We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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