Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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