Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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