I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
