Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
