is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i now understand why vodka
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
