Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
