wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize