his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
