don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize