i just google imaged poop.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
