Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
