don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
