I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
