Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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