How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
