you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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