The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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