i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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