Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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