you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
