i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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