so explain again why im purple
no
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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