am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
