The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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