I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
