Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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