Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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