I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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