I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
