well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
