hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
