I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
