I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
