12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
