We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
