I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Is it because I queefed?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
