oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
