I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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