Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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