I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
